i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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