I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
