problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
