i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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