Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
