is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
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