i just wanna soil my oats bro
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
