I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
