Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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