Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
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