She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
