i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
