i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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