# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize