just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
