So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
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