I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
he thought i was a dude.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
