i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Randomize
