she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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