Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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