Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Randomize
