Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
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