You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
