His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
