i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
