Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Randomize
