i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
