what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
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