You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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