Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
