I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
