I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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