OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
My ass is underappreciated
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
