Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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