We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
