Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
She made me pour olive oil on her.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
