is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
