whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
