Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
