I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
