I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Randomize