my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
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