He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Randomize