Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
