He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
You're earring is so big in my mouth
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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