I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
