theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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