shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Randomize