Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I just pynch a tree in the face
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
