addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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