So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
