she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Randomize
