I hope mine doesn't look like that
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
