The maid of honor just puked.
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
