if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
