david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Randomize
