You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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