just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
