Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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