Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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