Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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