I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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