I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
