She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
