i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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