Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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