Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Randomize
