Betty ford says i'm here all night
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
